I’m not the first person to review Real Marriage, and likely won’t be the last. There have been a lot of interesting reviews of this book, and some concern over the “controversial” topics that Pastor Mark discusses in the book.

Marriage doesn’t come with an instruction manual. While I suppose you could look to your parents as a guide, you didn’t marry one of your parents. You married someone outside of your family circle (I hope!) Different DNA, different upbringing, differing values, different take on some things (or maybe everything.)

People fumble their way through the early years of marriage, and with society basically endorsing non-married couples, our world will only suffer as we proceed through this thing called life.

The Driscolls do a good job providing insight into their marriage, the rocky moments, and the continued lessons they have encountered.

I recommend this book for all couples, married, and yet-to-be married; not as a roadmap, but as for exposure into challenges you may face.

I’d rather you read it from a couple like the Driscolls, than from some magazine rack at the checkout counter.

“Advanced Reader’s Copy of the book has been provided courtesy of Thomas Nelson and Graf-Martin Communications, Inc.
Available at your favourite bookseller from Thomas Nelson”.

Society is riddled with sin and temptation. Take a stroll around your local mall, and see if you’re not tempted. You are likely lying to yourself and others if you say you don’t find the images tempting.

Imagine that you are a pastor of a church. Pastor’s don’t suffer from temptations, right?

WRONG.

Pastors, and this may come to be a shock to some of you, are human, they sin, they deal with the same temptations, struggles, pains, etc.. that you deal with. Pastor’s are called to be shepherds and guide people to become disciples of Christ. No small feat, as screwed up as you and I are in this world.

Ray Caroll’s book, Fallen Pastor is a book that should be handed out to every seminary student, or anyone that is in ministry.

Scratch that, every adult should read this book. Just because you don’t speak from a pulpit, doesn’t mean you won’t be tempted.

Here’s some questions from the book, that really puts things in perspective:

Have you been with a woman anywhere in the past week, that might be seen as compromising? Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity? Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material? Have you invested sufficient time with your family?

The formula for fallen pastors is within many church bodies. Have the pastor lifted up like he was the Second Coming, have everyone go to him at all hours of the day with their concerns, struggles, difficulties.

Next, expect the pastor to work insane hours, away from family, away from The Bible.

Now your pastor is tired, wired on coffee (coffee is the official beverage of pastors), disengaged with his wife and family. The Barna Group is mentioned in this book, where church goers expect their pastor to handle 16 major tasks.

Imagine the pastor asking each church member to handle 16 major tasks for the church, every day and week. You’ll have an empty church.

Now, introduce an attractive (to the pastor) woman into the mix. Can be a co-worker, can be a member of the church, someone from the community, online chat member, you name your flavor.

Often this woman has had some challenges of her own, and feels sympathy for the overworked and under-appreciated pastor.

We all seek to know and be known. We also like to be recognized, to the point where pride can sneak in.

She continues to support the pastor, and then something clicks between them. Often just an innocent moment, but when you’re vulnerable, that’s when Satan plants his seed.

Satan knows you better than you know yourself. That’s not a good thing.

One thing leads to another, and then you find yourself violating the 7th Commandment

Now the spin cycle hits overload. You and your new mate either end it right there, or you continue the relationship.

Living a life is really, really hard. Living double lives must be torture.

Eventually, you’ll get caught. You’re not Superman, nor invisible. You’ll stumble.

Now the fun begins. Assuming you survive a beat down from your wife, and/or other family members, the church finds out.

Too often, the church removes the pastor from their pastoral role (which is a good thing at the point of discovery), but they then throw the pastor in the trash, figuratively speaking.

People who do not follow Christ read about stories like this. They see how Christians treat fellow Christians when they stumble, which is likely the main reason people stay far away from Christianity.

Pastors preach God’s unconditional love, salvation, the cross, Jesus, but yet when one of their leaders fall, they take them out back and try to expunge them from existence.

“Friends” scatter like rats, people become (even more) judgmental, and the world as you know it is destroyed.

I’m thankful that fallen pastors can find help and comfort from attending other churches. What’s sad, though, is that the new church is forgiving and open, and they don’t know the pastor.

The church where the pastor poured his life and soul, stops loving, caring, guiding, and so forth.

I’m being judgmental here but when a church fails to help a fallen pastor reconcile their lives with God and family, that church is filled with a bunch of phonies. Those churches are filled with sinners that have no understanding of grace.

What should the fallen pastor feel about the church that threw him under the proverbial bus?

Forgiveness and love.

Pastors need close friendships. Churches need training on how to prevent pastors from falling. Churches also need training on how to handle a pastor if they do fall.

If there isn’t a paradigm shift in how these situations are handled, we will continue to see more fallen pastors.

Pray for your pastors. Offer your love and unconditional support of them. Be open and transparent with them, so they may feel comfortable with being your friend.

Pastors, drop the competitive nature of your position and reach out to other pastors in your community. We’re all related, and we all work for the same Boss.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Ray Carroll, as part of a pre-release reading opportunity. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”